we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
