so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
not ubering you a puppy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
