i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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