it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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