My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
