why didn't you poke me back
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
