Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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