So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
