There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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