I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
