I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
