you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
