I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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