I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
