are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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