she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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