i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
