Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
