Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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