Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
