I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
