Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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