I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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