I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
