Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
