I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize