Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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