I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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