When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
