I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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