I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
