Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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