Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
