she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
