What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
