just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
