i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
