i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's always time for handjobs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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