he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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