And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
