ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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