You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
