Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
