PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
