took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
