I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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