My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He shit in the fireplace
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
