I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
