hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
