Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
