Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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