I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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