I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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