We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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