come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
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As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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