WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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