I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
