He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
