everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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