my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
