Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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