Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
