just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
