Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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