I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
