I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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