After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
